He called it “The Clampett Truck” and declared it a bargain. I said not even Jed himself, let alone Elly May, would be caught dead in it. He doesn’t listen; he bought it anyway. I slid low in the seat hoping my friends wouldn’t see me. He beeped and waved, hoping they would. He said I worried too much about what others think of me. I said a little worrying might do him some good. He is listed under “Father’s Name” on my Birth Certificate. He said it wasn’t a clerical error. I said I’ll pay for the DNA testing.